Osaka!
Osaka!

My friend Ange and I were in Osaka for our last night in Japan. In the previous ten days, we had eaten our body weight in sashimi, bought a ton of Japanese novelty rubbish which forced me to host a Japan themed party on my return, went to the sumo and bathed nude in a public bath (separately!).

For our last night, there was only one thing left to do – karaoke.

Karaoke in Japan (and most of Asia) isn’t where you make a drunken fool of yourself in a pub. The Japanese hire a small room with friends and sing to each other. As much as I would like to privately serenade Ange with my rendition of Daryl Braithwaite’s Horses, we decided that the drunken public variety was the way it’s going be, little darlin’.

We Googled ‘English karaoke Osaka’. Despite the seedy name Kama Sutra Bar which was probably why it was so high up on the Google search, the website listed free karaoke with English songs, cheap drinks and bar snacks. It seemed to meet our needs.

The bar was on the fifth floor of a dingy building in the Shinsaibashi area; it was small and pokey and couldn’t fit more than ten people at any one time. When we arrived at 10pm, only the bar guy from Texas was there. He greeted us and mixed us drinks. Even though they did not have Horses, they did have Billy Joel, Take That, Bon Jovi and Whitney.

Some other expats came in to sing Japanese pop songs. During those tunes, we bobbed along with a tambourine – apparently a very popular karaoke prop in Japan.

At the end of every song, the karaoke system gave you a score out of 100 – the higher the score, the more of a naked girl was revealed on the TV screen. We felt somewhat ripped off though. As it was illegal to show a completely naked girl in a public space, we never scored 100 no matter how good our singing was.

At 3am, we stumbled back to our hotel.

Arigato gozaimiasu Osaka — it was the best porn karaoke experience ever.

Kama Sutra Bar Osaka-ya Jumbo Bldg, 5F #5, 2-1-13 Higashi Shinsaibashi, Chuo-ku, Osaka

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